A part of me was instrumental to have a career in business. That career helped me get the recognition and acknowledgement another part was craving. But being successful in international sales wasn’t good enough. Because deep down a part of me carried the fundamental pain of believing that I’m not good enough, regardless of what I’m doing. Being a sales director allowed me to not feel that pain.
Although I speak four languages my body doesn’t speak any of those. Going inside and listening to my body helped to connect to that part which holds that pain. And over time a transformation happened when I embraced it. The business career suddenly no longer felt right and I transitioned to become a life-coach.
I’m organized and that makes me feel good about myself. It’s driven by a part of me which needs to be organized and methodical in order to not feel any internal chaos. Creating a sense of order and being prepared 24/7 in everything I’m doing also works well for the part of me which is afraid of being judged by others. To avoid judgment I also tend to rely heavily on my rational mind. My “rational”-part generates a sense of security I can rely on.
Oh, and I should mention my hyper-achiever part. My hyper-achiever is tired (and tiring) but as long as self-acceptance and self-love are conditional on continual performance it will keep going.
To make sense of all of my various (often polarized) parts, “Internal Family Systems” (IFS) therapy provided me with the perfect explanation. The part of me that doesn’t think that I needed therapy was also happy since IFS is not pathologizing: I’m not a compulsive perfectionist, a part of me is. I’m not a hyper-achiever, a part of me is...
My hyper-achiever participated in all three levels of IFS therapy and my perfectionist part insisted to become IFS certified on top of that. With both a certification in coaching and a certification in therapy I now help my clients embrace all of their parts while coaching them towards the life they long for.
Additional IFS activities:
Providing therapy to Ukrainian therapists as part of the “IFS Ukraine Relief Initiative”;
Assisting IFS lead trainers in Level 1 IFS trainings;
Providing peer-support for new IFS therapists/practitioners.
Background info, education, trainings, career, certifications,…can be found on my LinkedIn profile: www.linkedin.com/in/matthias-hartmann-embodhi
emBohdi You don’t need healing. A part of you does.